Tropics of Conversation

The Right to Bare Arms

2010-03-01T11:32:00.000-10:00

When I found out that we were moving to Hawaii, I took great pleasure in tossing out all of my winter clothes. Snow boots? Bye bye. Cute parka with faux fur collar? I hope to never see you again. Scarf and gloves? Enjoy your trip to St. Vinnie's.

It was also delightful to shop for new clothes once we arrived on the island. Now, when I say "new clothes" I really mean swimsuits, sundresses and slippers (aka flip flops). I have a basic beach wardrobe that I wear everyday and have grown quite fond of.

When Mr. Stephanie told me that we would be moving back to the mainland soon, I immediately thought, "I don't have any clothes!" and wished I would have kept all of our winter things in storage. It's going to be strange to bundle up again and wear actual shoes. Luckily, we will be moving back in May which should make the transition pretty easy. We won't have to make a major clothes shopping trip until just before Fall, right? I mean, surely there won't be any snow in the inland Northwest in May!

Giving up my slippers is going to be the hardest thing. I went from not being able to wear them at all to wearing them every single day. I can see myself stretching the flip-flop season to its limits once back on the mainland. So my toes are turning blue...what about it? I can only hope that the Fall collections provide enough of a distraction to make me put my slippers in the back of my closet willingly and cozy up to some rockin' snow boots.

Mele Kalikimaka...already?

2009-11-12T10:20:00.000-10:00

It's November and 80 degrees in Hawaii...an odd Fall for a girl from Idaho. Halloween was a new experience. My son didn't have to wear a parka over his costume, neighbors handed out candy in their driveways, and instead of Irish coffees, Mr. Stephanie and I had cold beer at the end of the night.

Immediately after Halloween, the Christmas decorations started going up around the island. The absence of a frosty lawn, snow capped mountains and being able to see my breath in the air makes it hard to believe that the holidays are so close. I'm still in summer mode as right now, it feels just like an Idaho summer. The mornings and nights are a little cool and the days are just sublimely warm. If you don't get a Christmas card from me, I apologize, but it probably means I'm sitting on the beach and have completely lost track of time.

Stephanie Jr. voiced his concern about the warm weather when he mused, "Are you sure Santa comes to Hawaii?" I assured him that yes, Santa does indeed come to Hawaii and that if he's smart, it's probably his last stop. Who knows, maybe we'll even see him at the beach on December 26th!

While it is a little weird to be doing my Christmas shopping while wearing a sarong, I'm not complaining. This year, I'm trading in egg nog for a mai-tai with an umbrella in it...and I'll be sipping it on my lanai with a Santa cap perched jauntily atop my head while humming "Mele Kalikimaka."

Getting Lei'd in Hawaii

2009-10-21T22:24:00.001-10:00

The warm days and nights in Hawaii make for great indoor/
outdoor living. Most residents don’t have air conditioning, so we tend to leave our windows and sliding doors open at all times. This allows the trade winds to come through and make our indoor lives much more comfortable. Letting the trades work their magic is wonderful, but it comes at a price…we can hear everything that goes on around us. The chirping birds and lizards take a little while to get used to, but it’s really the human noise that is the hardest to deal with. Compound the open air atmosphere with condo living and you’ve got a recipe for some sleepless nights and disturbing moments.

Case in point…we can hear a symphony right outside our door. A symphony of sneezes and coughs, that is. It’s magical, truly, if only I could record it and play it for you all. “Cough cough cough cough cough…a-choo a-choo…cough cough cough cough cough…a-choo a-choo…” Well, you get the picture. There are also the dogs that get left home alone all day, the babies cutting teeth, and the occasional domestic disturbance. While this noise is bothersome and annoying, it cannot compare to the Cinemax at night-type goings-on across the courtyard.

If I made a list of things that I do not want my children to hear, the “romantic” events that occur between our neighbors would be number one. In a place where the wind carries all sounds, you’d think people would either shut their windows or learn to keep a sock in it. Not so for the Mr. and Mrs. Ron Jeremy of our condo building. My guess is that they’re newlyweds…no one can possibly be that loud, that often and for such long stretches of time, unless they’re still in the “I love the way you snore” stage. It’s especially embarrassing to be sitting in the living room watching television with my husband and, say, my mother or his mother or one of our kids, and have what sounds like the deli scene from “When Harry Met Sally” force its way into our ears.

We must not be the only ones bothered by these carnal condo dwellers. Recently a notice appeared on everyone’s door about keeping the noise level to a minimum so as not to disturb the neighbors. Alas, I don’t think our happy couple got the message. Until they do, we’ll just have to pretend we don’t hear anything and keep the TV volume turned way up.

Reach Out and Touch Someone

2009-10-18T08:10:00.005-10:00

When you live on an island, in the middle of the Pacific, 2600 miles or more from your nearest family and friends, you begin to rely heavily on your cell phone and internet to keep in touch. It's a weird feeling to know that you can't just hop in the car and drive to Missoula or Seattle or Portland or well, anywhere except the other side of the island. Not that we journeyed to those places every weekend when we were on the mainland, but we knew we could if the mood struck us.

Living in Hawaii, our calendar is pretty full with airport pickups and dropoffs. Our house is now under the category of "destination" for much of our family and some of our friends. And I know how people feel about having a seemingly non-ending stream of company, but for us, on an island, in the middle of the Pacific...it's great.

The people who come to visit are our link to the mainland. It's really quid pro quo. We show them around the island, let them stay with us so they save a little money and in return, we get to see our loved ones which lets us know we haven't been forgotten. Little do our guests know, they are doing us a big favor.

It can get lonely being so far from home and anticipating visitors makes a huge difference. We try to tailor the experience for each individual and while we aren't tour guides, I think we do a pretty good job. We get to show our guests the favorite local spots and what island life is really like, not just what they'd get at a hotel. (Although, I do a mean turn-down service at Stephie's Beach Shack.) Our guests leave for the airport with smiles on their faces while I wave slowly, a tear running down my cheek thinking, "Please come back."

It's Not the Heat So Much...

2009-10-11T12:27:00.003-10:00

OK, it's October and it's 88 degrees. How weird is that? Being from the Northwest, it is really hard to wrap my mind around this kind of heat at this time of year. You know that old saying, "It's not the heat, so much as the humidity"? Well, now I understand. Picture 88 degrees with the highest humidity you can achieve without it actually raining. Welcome to Oahu in October.

Apparently, we are approaching the rainy season, which accounts for the humidity. On top of the heat and humidity, we are experiencing something called "Kona" which means "Leeward" or "calm". In essence, no wind. We live on the Windward side of the island and generally get to enjoy the trade winds that make the heat bearable. Air conditioning is a luxury here...electricity is expensive, so the trade winds really make a difference. We've got the fans going full blast, bowls of ice in front of them and when it gets really hot and sticky, we do what we did in Idaho and head for someplace air conditioned. The mall, grocery store and Starbucks are all good choices. The beach, although not air conditioned, is nice too, but you can only stay so long before turning pink.

Uncomfortable as the heat is, at least we aren't shoveling snow, right? I think back to the last two Idaho winters and realize that I really shouldn't bitch about the weather in Hawaii. On the plus side, my 7 year old won't have to wear a parka over his Halloween costume this year, we can wear shorts to Thanksgiving dinner and what the heck, we can even open our Christmas presents at the beach if we want to. I guess a few weeks of discomfort is a small price to pay for spending the winter in paradise.

Before and After

2009-10-09T09:57:00.007-10:00

Living in Hawaii has changed me and I think it's for the better. Moving far away from the people and places you are familiar with forces you to look inside and decide what's really important. I've discovered things since I've lived here that I know will stay with me long after I leave.

Before I moved to Hawaii...I never would have left the house without makeup.

After living in Hawaii...Sometimes, sunscreen is all I need.

Before Hawaii...I thought location could cure all ills.

After...It's really the people in your life that make the difference.

Before Hawaii...I was always searching for something better.

After...Maybe the grass isn't always greener. I'm thankful for what I have.

Before Hawaii...It was always rush, rush, rush.

After...It's ok to chillax and smell the proverbial roses.

Before Hawaii...I hated flying.

After...Well, ok, I still hate flying.

I'm glad that we were given the opportunity to do something completely different; I'd never lived outside the Northwest before coming here. There is a lot that I miss and I get homesick almost every day, but being in Hawaii has been a great way to shake things up and see what I'm made of. While it hasn't all been great, it certainly hasn't been all bad. One of my favorite things to do here is to go to the beach, stare at the ocean and not think. At the beach, it's not about yesterday, it's not about tomorrow...it's about now. To live in the moment, at least a little bit, is probably one of the most valuable things I've ever learned.

What I Like About You

2009-09-10T12:51:00.003-10:00

10 Cool Things About Island Life:

The Beach

5-Day Forecast: 88, 89, 88, 88, 89

Don't Need a Huge Wardrobe...less is more

Amazing Scenery

Save Money on Hair Care...too windy to have a fancy do

Friends and Family Actually Like to Visit

Getting a Tan for the First Time...EVER

Sounds Really Cool to Say, "I live in Hawaii."

Diverse Population...can hear "G'day, Mate", "Konnichi Wa," and "Aloha" all in the same grocery store

And did I mention...The Beach

A Musician by Any Other Name

2009-08-30T08:24:00.003-10:00

Music is ever-present on the islands. Strolling down the street, you'll hear tunes blasting from cars and songs coming from outdoor speakers. Reggae and island style music seem to be the predominant choices around here. Walk into any grocery or retail store and you're bound to hear some of your favorite tunes adapted to the island style. (Picture "Enter Sandman" with ukulele.)

While the island and reggae music are great, sometimes you're just in the mood to hear something else. Anything else. Which brings us to Open Mic Night at our local cafe. For some unknown reason, I thought that maybe, just maybe, musicians would be of a different ilk 2600 miles from the mainland. My mistake. The words "Open Mic" are the same bugle call for weirdos and misfits here as they are on the mainland. Entertaining, surprising and mostly fun, open mic is a great way to pass the time for the low low price of a cup of coffee.

Last night, there seemed to be somewhat of a theme at open mic. The stage was overrun with banjos and harmonicas a la Soggy Bottom Boys. I really like that style, but after an hour or so of act after act doing the same thing, I started to feel like I should throw on some overalls and blacken out a few teeth. It seems to go like that, though, different themes every few weeks. A couple of weeks ago the theme was "let's sing originals about the environment in a new-age jazzy kind of way." Not my personal favorite.

There are, of course, a few people who get up and do some reggae, and even though you hear it a lot, it still gets you groovin' and tapping your toe. Then there's my husband, Mr. Stephanie, who sticks mainly to his rockabilly originals and rock n'roll covers. He doesn't really fit in, but people seem to like that. Something a little bit different for the coffee house scene. One of the standing favorites is a guy named Peter. He plays a 12-string and I guess the best description for his style is "Progressive Rock." I'm not sure if that even fits, though. He does heartfelt originals and his voice reminds me of Geddy Lee. Everybody loves Peter.

Musicians are just as weird and fabulous in Hawaii as they are anywhere else. The uber-talented pros are always great to watch and even the just-starting-out acts have something to offer. I, for one, am glad they're willing to put themselves out there for us to enjoy, sing along with, and occasionally make fun of...

Menace to Society

2009-08-25T07:46:00.006-10:00

While the beach may be a beautiful and relaxing place, it also holds many dangers that people need to be aware of. Jellyfish can sting you, the sun can burn you, and salt water in the eyes really hurts. Frightened yet? Well, you should be, and I haven't even told you about the most menacing of all creatures lurking at the beach...the kite surfer. (Insert ominous music here).

The kite surfer and his less widely seen cousin, the wind surfer, poses a threat to the genteel beach goer just hoping to relax. It all begins when you enter the park that leads to the beach. The kite surfer will have his gear laid out upon the ground. This makes for an obstacle course of strings, hooks, and huge kites to walk through. One pictures a scene of clown-like slapstick while jumping over and dodging said strings. You hop, you skip and you tip-toe, all the while thinking, "I hope this isn't going to be like the cartoons if my ankle gets caught in the string." Rest easy though, the kites probably aren't strong enough to carry you, upside down, back to the mainland.

Once you make it through the maze without tripping, you breathe a sigh of relief and stake out your prime spot on the beach. The kiddies' faces gleam with happiness as they enter the warm water and set about the task of boogie boarding or body surfing. Mom and Dad lie back and enjoy the sunshine and fresh sea breeze. But wait, what's this? That damn kite surfer almost took little Johnny's head off with his board. Should they really be this close to shore? And where'd that wind surfer come from? Doesn't he know that pointy thing could impale someone? Do they think they own the beach?

Unfortunately, they do. It's just a fact of life here, along with the jellyfish. My suggestion is to put on your dancing shoes, find an empty spot, and hope for the best...all in the name of a relaxing day at the beach.

Note: Kite surfing is a way to (sort of) surf when the water is flat with little to no waves. It involves a lot of gear (strings, pulleys, etc.), a board, and enough wind for the kite to pull you across the water. Another, less complicated way to enjoy the flat water is paddle boarding. Basically a surfboard and a paddle. There you go.

Boobs on the Beach

2009-08-23T12:16:00.008-10:00

Living near one of the most beautiful beaches in the world is amazing. Kailua Beach is pristine, gorgeous, and usually not over-crowded. Of course, every once in a while something annoying or weird can happen, like the guy who decides to light up his cigarette and sends smoke your way. And there's the occasional group of people who park their butts right next to you even though there are a lot of other spots open. Annoying, but not enough to make one leave in a huff. The beach is also a great melting pot of locals and tourists from all over the world and it's not uncommon to hear different languages being spoken.

Today, I saw something I hadn't seen before. A group of people sat ridiculously close to us and engaged in a loud (but interesting) conversation. From what I could gather, the family was from Italy, the husband and children spoke with heavy accents and the wife was American. There was an older woman with them who I think was the wife's mother, because she also spoke with an American accent.

"Did you see?" the woman's mother asked her.
"See what?"
"Topless, can you believe it?"
"She must be Italian. Only an Italian woman would take her top off at the beach."
"Hmmm...or maybe a French woman."

I was lying on my towel during this conversation and was certainly not going to look around and see who they were talking about. My husband and son were in the water and as far as I know, they weren't aware of any nekked ladies sunning themselves. I had never seen anyone go topless on our beach before. I don't know if it's illegal, but people just don't do it.

As we were getting ready to leave, I stood up and looked down the beach. Sure enough, there was a topless woman sitting straight up, talking to a man. "Holy crap" escaped my lips before I could stop myself.

"What?" My husband asked, looking in the same direction.
The expression on his face let me know that he'd looked directly into the sun (so to speak) and wasn't planning on shielding his eyes.

As I said, I don't know if going topless is against the law, but here is my general rule of thumb if you're considering it:
If they're worse than mine...go for it. Let your freak flag fly.
If they're better than mine...you are a shameless hussy and you need to keep them penned up.

Neither Rain, Nor Sleet, Nor Lunch Break...

2009-08-14T09:36:00.005-10:00

Living on the island, you have to learn to go with the flow. You can't rush people, you can't make the world turn faster, and if you hurry...you'll just end up waiting even longer. It takes a while to get used to this pace, but once you do, it just seems normal.

We live in a condo building with a central mail area. All of the post boxes are set into one wall in a covered section near the parking garage. The mail generally comes in the late morning, but sometimes it varies. I've seen a few mail carriers since we've been here, but one in particular seems to deliver to our building quite often.

The first time I saw her, she had all the mailboxes open and was sitting on a bench drinking a Gatorade. Mail key in hand, I smiled and she waved, making no move to actually put the mail in those open boxes. I went back up to my condo and got my mail later in the day.

The next time I saw her, she had all the mailboxes open and was sitting on a bench eating a sandwich (Subway, I think). Again, mail key in hand, I smiled and she waved.

By the third time I ran into her sitting on the bench, mailboxes open, taking a break, I knew the drill. Apparently, our delivery coincides with her lunch break and I certainly don't begrudge people taking their breaks. You just accept it and realize, the mail may come in the late morning, but don't expect to collect it until early afternoon. Such is island life...

Note: Kailua has the coolest postal workers I've ever encountered. Waiting at the Post Office isn't such a pain in the ass when you know you'll get a smile and a friendly "Aloha."

The Good, the Bad and the Spooky

2009-08-11T18:52:00.007-10:00

Living in paradise offers some great opportunities to get out and enjoy nature. We're lucky that we live close to the beach and we can spend time there whenever we want. Like most working folk though, we tend to spend our evenings in the living room. My husband and I like to light candles and "chillax" while the kids are doing their thing. One evening, as we were on the sofa, candles lit, just enjoying talking to each other, we somehow got on the subject of tarot cards. I'm not sure how the topic came up, but after a minute or so, one of the candles went out. No gust of wind had come through, so it was a little odd. This slightly eerie experience got me thinking about superstitions and wondering about Hawaiian legends and customs.

One of the beliefs in Hawaii is that visitors should take nothing from the islands or they will have bad luck. Is this true? I don't know for sure, but remember what happened to Greg Brady? I, for one, am not going to take that chance. Speaking as a non-native resident, I'd say take home what you buy in the gift shop, but leave the rocks, sand and artifacts where they belong. Common sense, really.

Another story, and my personal favorite is that you cannot take pork over the Pali Highway or you will have bad luck in the form of car trouble. The Pali Highway carries travelers from the Leeward side to the Windward side of the island. Legend has it that Pele, the Volcano Goddess, had a tumultuous relationship with a half man, half pig demi-god and that she will stop the transfer of pork from one side of the island to the other. I'll be buying my bacon close to home instead of in Honolulu, just to be safe.

Perhaps the most beautiful custom is the giving of the flower lei. Leis are to be offered with a kiss and removed in private. I did read that it is bad luck for a pregnant woman to wear a lei. They truly are wonderful, beautiful gifts and visitors should be pleased when someone thinks enough of them to present them with a lei. There are all different kinds of leis ranging from the very feminine to the oh-so-manly, so everyone can feel special. Just remember that it's impolite to remove your lei in front of the person who gave it to you.

I asked my husband if he had heard of any legends or tales at work.

"Hmmm...well there's 'Liquor before beer, have no fear. Beer before liquor, never sicker'."

Not exactly a superstition, but useful information nonetheless.

I am a fairly superstitious person. You'll never see me walk under a ladder or step on a crack. If a black cat crosses my path, I'll be a nervous wreck for a week. I always knock on wood and throw spilled salt over my left shoulder and Heaven help me if I break a mirror. Now, should you decide to err on the side of caution, when you do make it to Hawaii you'll know how to handle your lei, you'll be sure to take only pictures and leave only footprints, and you won't transfer pork over the Pali. Oh, and one more thing, never bring bananas on a boat.

Two Scoops Rice, One Scoop Mac Salad

2009-07-30T09:46:00.009-10:00

The plate lunch is a big deal in Hawaii. Nearly every restaurant carries some version of this local favorite. There are locally owned places that specialize in plate lunch as well as national chains that add it to their menus.

Plate lunch usually consists of 1 or more meats, 2 scoops rice and 1 scoop macaroni salad. The meat choices are varied and include Kalbi ribs, Kalua pig, teri chicken, hamburger patty and many more. My kids like the "chili frank" which is a hot dog, no bun, swimming in chili (rice and mac salad on the side, of course). Kid friendly, but I can't really eat like that anymore, so I go for the leaner meat and hold the mac salad, thank you very much.

One of the first things you'll notice about the plate lunch is that it smells so flippin' good! That's because they do meat right in Hawaii. I've never been a huge meat eater, but it's hard to resist around here. The sauces are good and there's usually that yummy char that adds so much flavor. One of my favorite things is walking down the street and getting hit with an incredible smell from a lunch cart. Plate lunch on the street...awesome.

I've gotten conflicting reports on the origins of the plate lunch. Some say it's derived from the Japanese bento, while others say it's a hold-over from World War II rationing. Wherever it came from, it makes for pretty good eatin'. I highly recommend the Kalbi ribs. These are so good, there are just no words to describe. Ooooh, but then again, the Kalua pig is also great. And there's teri chicken, katsu chicken, steak...well, you get the point. It's a fairly inexpensive way to try the local cuisine. Just make sure to burn off those mac salad calories at the beach.

Leave Your Slippers at the Door

2009-07-22T12:53:00.007-10:00

To say the dress code in Hawaii is casual would be a huge understate-ment. When we first moved here, I went to the bank on a Friday and noticed a sign that read, "Casual Day...we may have casual clothing, but our service is still the best." I figured this was for Casual Friday or Aloha Friday, as we call it here. But then a funny thing happened. I went to the bank on a Monday and saw the same sign and the same mode of dress on the tellers. Tuesday...same thing. It dawned on me after a while that every day is casual day.

It makes sense to dress casually when you spend a good part of your time at the beach. You don't want to get sand in your Manolos, do you? Everyone, and I do mean everyone, wears slippers (flip-flops) here. Usually just the cheap rubber kind that are easily replaceable. Wearing slippers is really convenient because you kick them off and on all day long. In the Japanese tradition, you remove your shoes before you enter a private dwelling...off go the slippers. Walking to the beach...on. Reaching the sand...off. You get the idea.

Certainly, there are some businesses that require their employees to dress up. I see people wearing suits in the high end Ala Moana Mall stores quite often. I'm sure the suits and high heels fly off as soon as their shift is over, though. Off with the fancy and on with the board shorts and bikinis. It gets hot and humid in Hawaii and having to go outside in stiff heavy clothing can be uncomfortable. Besides, who surfs in a suit?

My household takes casual pretty seriously. I'm lucky if I can get my boys to put on a shirt at all around the house. Even I, who loves to dress up, have learned to adapt. In a land where going out to a nice dinner means tucking in your Aloha shirt or wearing a bra under your clothes instead of a bikini top, you have to look at things a little differently. I may still wear a dress to that dinner...but you can be sure there will be slippers on my feet.

PB & Jellyfish

2009-07-16T07:17:00.010-10:00

As I've pointed out before, there are all sorts of critters roaming these islands...lizards, rats, mongoose, cockroaches, wild chickens. These are the land roamers, anyway. I haven't yet mentioned the marine life. There are obviously numerous fish of all shapes and sizes, as well as vegetation including seaweed. While most of the fish, turtles and vegetation are harmless there is one particular sea creature that we all try to avoid...the jellyfish.

When I first heard about that there were jellyfish in the water, I imagined happy pink blobs floating around a la Spongebob Squarepants. Not so. First of all, the jellyfish here have a blue tint to them. Second of all, happy or not, if they sting you, it really hurts! Apparently, the presence of these stinging beasts is dependent on the cycles of the moon. They come out in "swarms" a certain number of days after the full moon. I haven't quite figured out the formula, so I usually just watch the surf report in the morning. They do all the hard work and pass along the information to lazy folk such as myself.

I had really hoped to live out my time here without ever encountering a jellyfish. Alas, it was not meant to be. Mr. Stephanie, Jr. and I journeyed to the beach one morning with boogie boards in hand. Jr. and I were sharing a board when all of a sudden, I felt something graze my left wrist and arm. I didn't think much of it until about a minute later when my arm started tingling. My first thought was "heart attack", but then I put it together and realized I'd probably been stung. I got out of the water quickly with Mr. and Jr. in tow and examined the area which was now really stinging. I could see a thin red mark that went around my wrist and halfway up my arm. Ouch!

"Is someone supposed to pee on it?" My husband so helpfully asked.

"I'm not sure, but I think we should go home." The thought of peeing on my arm seemed like a bad idea all around.

On the way home, the pain was getting worse and I was having visions of anaphylactic shock running through my head. Death by jellyfish...not the way I wanted to go. Once home, I got on the internet to look up treatments. By this time, it was really stinging and red.

"I think we're supposed to use vinegar," Mr. announced as he soaked a cloth in the stinky stuff.

I put it on my arm and tried to find a website that would tell me what to do.

"Is that helping?" My husband asked.

"No, but now I smell like an Easter Egg."

Finally, I hit on a website and scrolled down to view the information..."Do not use vinegar, that could make the situation worse." Great.

"Ok, don't panic," my husband offered, "let's just put some water on it."

Glancing back at the screen, I read, "Do not rinse with fresh water." Ugh!

Further down, "Remedies are varied and controversial. Some suggest urinating on the area, this is a bad idea."

"Mom," Jr. suggested, "how 'bout some peanut butter to go with the jelly." And...why not?

"You know," I said as I turned off my computer, "If it was going to kill me, it would have done it by now. I'll just take an Advil and call it good."

Within a few hours, the redness and swelling was starting to disappear and the pain wasn't nearly as bad. As far as the proper procedure for treating a sting, every person and every website has a different answer. Am I worried about future stings? Let's just say I'm glad there's a minor emergency hospital steps away from the beach.

Spamity-Spam

2009-07-15T09:07:00.006-10:00

Hawaiian cuisine is as varied as the island dwellers themselves. There is a huge Asian influence which seems to make its way into almost every prepared dish. Spam Musubi is a perfect example. Spam gets a pretty bad rap on the mainland...not so over here. Musubi is the perfect fusion of Island and Asian fast food. It's sold in every 7-11 and ABC store on the island. It's also popular for fundraisers, picnics, after school snacks, even breakfast!

What is this Spam Musubi? It's an ingenious combination of fried Spam, teriyaki sauce and sticky rice all wrapped in seaweed. If this doesn't sound appetizing to you, you might be surprised once you try it. It's salty and Spammy and just plain good. Plus, you can get them for about a dollar!

Mr. Stephanie isn't too keen on the whole Spam thing, but Jr. and I have embraced it wholly. At least once or twice a week I'll hear, "Mom, let's get Musubi!" Our middle son, on the other hand, described the Spam as "bacony with an aftertaste of cat food." How he arrived at that conclusion, I'll never know. Just focus on the "bacony" and you'll be all right. Breakfast plates (eggs and fried Spam) are even served at Burger King.

I prefer to get my Spam in Musubi form, though not everyone agrees.
"Let's go get a Musubi, you'll love it!"
"Yeah, Mom," snorts Middle Son, "meat product wrapped in seaweed...sounds great....Not!"

To each his own, but trust me, it's worth a try.

A Cheeky Encounter

2009-06-24T08:27:00.003-10:00

Living in a tropical climate can be wonderful. The weather is mild, it's always green, and beach-going can be an almost daily occurrence. That said, there are a few things that take some getting used to...cockroaches, lizards, and half-naked people come to mind.

There are no nude beaches in our area, but that doesn't stop some cheeky people from showing off their best (and in some cases, worst) assets. Take, for instance, an occasion when Mr. Stephanie and I were escorting Stephanie Jr. to the beach. We staked out a spot at the far end of the beach where there were less people and began our trek. Making chit-chat along the way, we noticed Jr. giggling.

"What's so funny?" we asked the youngster.
"Look," he said as he pointed.
Ahead of us were two young people, one male, one female making their way down the beach. I tried to find the humor in the situation, but it didn't immediately jump out at me. Scanning them from head to toe, I made a mental checklist...
1. Hair...not Bozo the Clownish.
2. Shoulders...not hunched in Igor-like fashion.
3. Backs...not covered in gobs of hair.
4. Ohhhhhh...now I get it!
"Butt cheeks!!!" our son blurted out.

Yes, folks, butt cheeks. Apparently, the thong (or bikini bottoms arranged to look like a thong) has made a comeback. My husband and I looked at each other and then did everything within our power to not look straight ahead and to distract Jr.

"Say, is that a whale I see out there?"
"Why, no dear, it's a boat."
"A boat, well I'll be..."
"I know, why don't we just sit down here? We don't need to go all the way to the other end."

And sit down, we did. Luckily, humor is a fickle thing, and the incident was forgotten when Jr. started building a sand castle.

"Well," Mr. said, "at least it was just her and not him!"
Picture daggers being shot from my eyes toward my husband. "What?"
"Oh, you know what I mean."

Flash forward about an hour and a half to a handsome man walking his dog on the beach...in a thong.
"Oh, Honey," I tapped Mr. on the shoulder, "look at that."
"Butt cheeks!!!" Jr. yelled.

Shaka

2009-05-24T10:12:00.001-10:00

"Slow Down...This Ain't the Mainland!"
It's the truth, Hawaii ain't the mainland. Things on the island move a little more slowly; sometimes, a lot more slowly. Imagine spending an hour and a half at the bank just to open an account! There doesn't seem to be the same urgency to get somewhere or to move quickly from one activity to the next. Indeed, there are some of the same frustrations you'd find on the mainland (traffic comes to mind), but in general, it's a pretty relaxed atmosphere. It's great to slow things down and try to enjoy, but it seems to be taking this mainlander a little time to get there.

Stephanie Jr. was thrilled to be invited to a birthday party last week. Mr. Stephanie and I figured the shin-dig would last about an hour and a half, so we made grown-up plans for after the party. We loaded up Jr. and drove to our destination (an amazing house near the beach), planning to drop him off and do the coffee thing. When we pulled up, the host was waiting outside, "Aloha! Just park over there and come on in!" Mr. and I looked at each other...guess we're staying.

We could hear the music blaring as we made our way to the lanai. Jr. immediately took off with his friends and my husband and I were left to our own devices. "Hey, grab a beer and some food!" our host suggested. The food was amazing, by the way. A huge spread for a child's party. We did as we were told and made our feeble attempts to mingle. Time passed as the kids played and the adults talked and laughed. Mr. and I looked at our watches, it had already been two hours. I began tapping my toes, wondering when they'd get to the cake. The kids didn't seem to care, they were having a great time! I whispered to my husband, "We'd better go pretty soon."

The guy next to us asked, "Do you have to be somewhere? I think they'll get to the cake in a while."
"Um, well, we do have plans for later," I lamely responded.
"Hey, it's a party! Look how much fun the keiki are having! They aren't looking at their watches." He went over to the cooler and brought back a beer for each of us. "Have one beer and chillax!" Good point.

Hawaii's cool, I get it, and it's not going to change for us. Why would we want it to? Now we, as newcomers, just have to learn to take the proverbial deep breath and "chillax."

It's Waikiki, Baby!

2009-05-14T08:23:00.000-10:00

On a warm Saturday in our second month of living in Hawaii, we thought we'd make a trip to Waikiki, a mere 25 minute drive from our house. I'd been there once before and was excited to go back. Waikiki embodies the best of both worlds...an amazing beach and the hustle of a big city. On this particular day, we wanted to visit the International Market, an outdoor shopping center.

Upon entering the International Market, we were immediately flagged down by a man at a kiosk. Having been in retail sales for a long time, you'd think I would know better than to stop, but...no.

"Hey, have you heard of the Dead Sea Minerals?" asked an incredibly nice looking young man with a thick middle eastern accent. "These are very good for your skin, here, feel." He took my hand and started to rub the product into my skin, looking deep into my eyes the entire time. "Nice, huh?" Ummm...yes, nice.

The salesman proceeded to tell me that he was from Iran and that he believed deeply in the product he was selling. I have to admit, I was intrigued. Of course, the fact that during his whole sales pitch, he was massaging different salts and creams into my hands didn't hurt.

"My girlfriend likes this one a lot," the Iranian Romeo stated, "or really, ex-girlfriend, we broke up. I'll tell you what, for you, and only for you, I'll give you a special deal." He was so sincere, how could I pass it up?

I reached into my purse so I could purchase $150.00 worth of God knows what, when something interrupted my trance...

"Mom!" I felt a tug on my dress and turned to see Stephanie Jr. and Mr. Stephanie staring at me with their mouths open. Hmmm...where'd they come from?
"I'm sorry," my husband said, "it's time for my wife's medication." And with that, he pulled me by the arm and led me away.
"What is the matter with you?" asked Mr. Stephanie.
"Whatever do you mean?" All innocence, of course.
"Mom," began Stephanie Jr., "you know he was only being nice to you so you'd buy something."
My husband shot me a triumphant look, "He said it, not me."

That's their opinion, and now my skin is suffering for it. I still think the special deal was for me...and only me.

Bye Bye Birdie

2009-04-23T10:03:00.000-10:00

One of the best things about living in Hawaii is the food. It's fabulous, it's everywhere and there are so many different things to try. Being the traditionalists that we are however, Mr. Stephanie and I decided to make a ham for Easter instead of going out to sample the local fare. We stuffed our faces, not really thinking about it when Stephanie Jr. asked, "Ham is pig, right?" "Nah," replied my husband, "ham is ham." Yum! We finished our meal and set out for a drive around town.

Taking in the fabulous scenery, Jr. and I relaxed while Mr. Stephanie drove. "Hmm..." he said, "I think I made a wrong turn, I'm gonna' flip around." As he turned the car into a cul-de-sac, we noticed an injured bird in the middle of the road. "Oh, no," I exclaimed, "there's a hurt bird." Mr. slowed the car down and we noticed that there were actually two birds, pigeons, in the road. "I think they're just playing," my husband said. Upon closer inspection, we realized that one bird was indeed hurt and the other bird was protecting its injured companion. Ugh. As Mr. and I looked at each other with tears in our eyes, Jr. decided that this would be a good time to chime in, "You know, pigeons mate for life." How sad.

As we drove toward home a realization hit me. "I don't think I can eat meat anymore," I pronounced.
"You don't think so, huh? That's going to be hard," my husband responded.
"I've done it before."
"Okey-dokey."

Feeling pretty good about myself and my new found vegetarianism, I put my window down to feel the ocean breeze and an incredible smell drifted through the car.

"Oh, my god, what is that smell?" I asked.
Mr. looked over at a nearby park and pointed, "Over there, they are roasting whole chickens."
As I wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth, I came to the conclusion that, yep...this is going to be hard.

Epilogue:
Stephanie's vegetarianism lasted approximately one day. The chicken did her in.

Shame-Faced at the Nail Salon

2009-04-17T12:41:00.001-10:00

Moving to Hawaii after a long Idaho winter seems like a dream come true. Ok, it is a dream come true. It seems like I learn something new every day. Case in point...one perfect, sunny, dream-come-true Hawaiian day, my friend called to ask if I'd like to get a pedicure. I said I'd love to and asked her to give me a few minutes so I could get ready. I picked out a lovely sundress and sandals and did a quick makeup application. Just before it was time to leave, I noticed that my feet were dirty. Really dirty. Walking around barefoot all the time will do that. Hmmm...what to do, what to do. I decided that since I was getting a pedicure, I probably didn't need to worry about it, they'd come clean in the foot bath.

Off I went to the little nail salon with my friend. My friend who was wearing jeans and had perfectly clean feet, might I add. I guess this would be a good time to mention that I'd only had one pedicure in my life before, so I didn't really know the protocol. When I sat down in the chair and they covered my lap with a huge towel, I wasn't sure what to think. My friend didn't get covered with a towel. When the nail artist sat on a stool at the foot of my chair, it became clear. Proper protocol does not include wearing a dress, the nail artist does not want a peepshow. Oops.

My pedicurist put my feet in the bath and clucked her tongue at me.
"That's a lot of dirt," she delicately stated.
She pulled one foot out and patted it dry.
"You did your color yourself, didn't you? Don't do that anymore."
I heard snickering from the next chair as my friend was trying not to laugh.
She buffed and shined my dirty tootsies to perfection.
"Do you live here? Have you ever even had a pedicure before?"
I explained that I had just moved from Idaho where my poor peds had been stuck in snow boots for the last six months.
"How your feet look is important, especially now that other people can see them. You need to come back at least once a month." She looked down at the finished product, "In your case, maybe every three weeks."
Ouch.
I paid the bill, gave her an enormous tip (hush money, really) and vowed to come back every three weeks. When Mr. Stephanie asks me why I'm spending so much money on my feet, I'll just have to tell him, "It's a self-esteem thing."

All Together Ooky

2009-04-05T08:43:00.000-10:00

Ahhh...the islands. Beautiful, sunny, warm. Everything a person could want...Paradise. So imagine my surprise when my paradise was invaded by creepy, crawly creatures! Ok, I know that technically, I'm the one invading their space, but come on...ick. It all started with a few lizards. I was sitting in a lawn chair minding my own business when I looked up to see an itty bitty lizard on the umbrella pole. Cute, right? That's what I thought too, until I noticed he was staring at me. He wouldn't stop. I tried to scare him away, but he just kept staring. I think he was trying to psych me out! There was no fear in his beady little eyes, just contempt. He was waiting me out to see if I'd move first. Well, I did, so I guess he won that round.

Walking back (barefoot) to my condo, I just happened to look down and see a lizard darting right under my foot. Ugh!!! Was that little bastard following me? I narrowly escaped stepping on him and ran full speed to the stairs. Out of breath, I slammed the door behind me, thankful to be in the safety of my home.

"What's your problem," Mr. Stephanie asked as I leaned against the door.
"Lizards, everywhere, almost stepped on one. I'm going to look at the ground from now on when I'm walking."
"Um, you might want to rethink that one," Mr. laughed, "you're going to run into something if you don't watch where you're going."
"It's better than stepping on a critter," I replied.
"By the way," my husband so helpfully offered, "you do know that the lizards get in the house too, right? They help control the bugs, so they're actually good to have around. Oh, and did I mention the cockroaches and rats?" Much laughter on his part.
"Shut. Up."

The "quest" for Walmart

2009-03-29T14:12:00.000-10:00

It's our first week of living in Hawaii and we don't have any stuff! We just had to make the drive from our home in Kailua to the Walmart in Honolulu. "I'll just Mapquest it," I thought, "that will be great." Getting the directions was easy enough and we set out for the big city ("town") in Mr. Stephanie's company truck. With Stephanie Jr. safely between us, Mr. drove while I played navigator.

We enjoyed the beautiful scenery and didn't have to worry too much about where we were heading until we neared Honolulu. Did I mention we're from Idaho? Small town Idaho at that. Honolulu is big. And different. And big. Turns come up fast, ramps are short, and traffic is heavy. Fun! We found our exit and turned where the almighty directions said to turn. But wait, do we veer right or left? Or straight? Oh, crap, it doesn't say. Well, let's veer right, there's no way Walmart is right in the middle of downtown...that would be weird. Well, after circling the same area about 6 times to the tune of "Mom, I have to pee!" we discovered that weird or not, Walmart is right in the middle of downtown. Huh.

We did our time in the big box and set out for home with love in our hearts and kind words on our lips. That didn't last. Now, you'd think to leave a place, you'd just reverse the directions and make your way back, right? That would probably work if it weren't for one-way streets, bus lanes, and not knowing my left from my right. At any rate, after taking a 30 minute tour of the same 4 block area, we eventually made it to the freeway and from there, to our new home. Mr. and Jr. were a little cranky from our 3 hour adventure whereas I remained as light-hearted and good-natured as always, for I knew there was cold beer in the fridge that would help erase the painful memories.

Later that evening our friend (a Kailua resident) called to see how our day had gone.
"Ok," my husband said, "we went to Walmart."
"Oh, which way did you go?" asked the friend.
"We took Highway 61 into Honolulu."
"Don't be such a Houle," our friend offered, "noone calls it "Highway 61", it's the Pali. Call it the Pali."
"Mapquest called it Highway 61," my husband said slowly.
"Yeah, well, Mapquest's an asshole."
Indeed.